I have had so many friends and family who have gotten divorces and the first thing they wonder is, "what's next?" It has got to be hard to pick up the pieces after divorce. As I have said before, I wondered how divorce would impact my life. However there are many women who feel a sense of freedom, and liberation from whatever hardships that may have developed within the marriage. But what happens socially after the division?
Some say that their social life becomes more exciting. When you think about it, being single again may have its advantages. For one, and I think this is the most significant one for most newly divorced women, you get to date again. Now that can be troublesome for those who have been out of the dating scene for a while. I certainly wouldn't know what to do on a date these days! However, for those that conquer this fear, congrats!
Now, there are those girlfriend weekend getaways that always seem to help! Hopefully, you never stopped having those weekends when you were married! Girlfriends can be major assets when going through difficult times.
But what about church and mutual friends of you and your former spouse? What happens to those relationships? I could imagine it would be difficult to say the least to continue in a congregation that has always known you as husband and wife, and now has to adapt to the division. Do you switch churches? Does he switch? Also, what happens to the parts of his family that you were once close to? How do you break those bonds, or do you, should you? Mutual friends may also find it difficult to socialize with one or the other ex-spouse. How do you handle the change in relationships?
For some women, these are questions that they have to answer after divorce. How would you, or did you handle these questions? What would be your advice to those who may be facing some of these same dilemmas?
I entitled this "A Cry for Help" because of my son. I don't think that we realize sometimes what parental fighting and arguing does to children. When I think of an event where my husband and I were fighting (in front of my son), it makes me sick to my stomach to know how deeply he felt each hurtful word that we spoke to one another- not to him, but to one another. He felt it- so deeply. As I recall slamming the door behind me, angry for no real reason, but trying to make a point, I remember looking at my son's face and the sound of such pain escaping from his body. It is a cry that I will never forget. What are we doing to our children? It is a cry for help. He cried in such pain , in such fear that his mother and father would break up, that we didn't love each other, and that we would divorce. What a burden to lay upon a child! I saw it in his face, in his tears, and in his essence. He wanted to feel that his parents would be there for each other, but also for him. He was right to question it. We had not shown each other the love and support that we should have. We fought everyday about trivial things. But, how God shows us our errors,our flaws and our mistakes is so profound! I saw the tears of my child, and thought I had to change my way of expressing my feelings to my husband. I loved him, I was just angry because I needed help around the house, and I felt unappreciated. Yet I really wasn't angry at him. One word led to another word, and left my SON in tears. How selfish of me to put my needs over my son! That is what happens! Children are caught in between the fighting and bickering. They are crying, not just for us to stop fighting, but for help. Help to stop the pain, help to stop the fear and to continue loving one another as God has intended for us to. Something to think about....
